18 Comments
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Suzie's avatar

Stunning writing, Olly, melancholy got me by the heartstrings 🖤

Olly von's avatar

Thankyou ««33

MoTy's avatar

The metaphorical take is astounding. I have to read you at least twice, Olly. A telltale sign of good poetry x

Olly von's avatar

Moty you have made my day, you’re the skip in my step

Jeanne Vessantra's avatar

I don’t think this is about fear. It’s about not being able to locate where ‘self’ begins without it breaking. Great piece.

Olly von's avatar

Thank you Jeanne I love that you dig for the deeper meanings it is always good to hear from your perspective I value your opinions

Greg McKee's avatar

Olly! Wow! I’ve had to read this about 5 times, the imagery is incredible. I’d love to be able to use metaphors like this. Sensational !

Olly von's avatar

You’re very talented yourself Greg! I wish I had the mind for your storytelling !

Greg McKee's avatar

You make me blush ☺️ I guess we all have our own skills

Keiichiro Iwamoto's avatar

I know that feeling. Sometimes it seems like everyone else is getting ahead while I’m standing still. But honestly, I don’t think life is meant to be a straight race. We all move at our own pace. 😇

Olly von's avatar

Thank you keiichiro I try not to compare myself it’s hard sometimes. I always appreciate your words !

𝚋𝚞𝚜 𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚙 𝚐𝚒𝚛𝚕's avatar

“examine

the science of my being.

I’m afraid I can’t swim” this is just fantastic writing, love the pace - the imagery. wow

Olly von's avatar

Thank you so much that means a lot to me

Elijah Westin's avatar

Truly heartbreaking and relatable.

It's.. hard when you are trying so hard to make life better. Trying so hard to improve.. and yet.. you dont know whos looking back in the mirror. You're afraid to make a move

Really well written..

Livio Serra's avatar

A concrete emotional centrifuge rendered in a poetic way is an eureka moment, Olly. An inner suffering I recognise myself in. You rendered it so well that I felt it and lived it.

It’s not raw, it’s true and disturbing in the visual and creative sense of the term.

Really beautiful.

Olly von's avatar

Thank you Livio you go deep with what you read and I am touched to know you hear my voice and I understand what I’m trying to say.

Antonio Castellaneta's avatar

I paused at “It’s been two years now, shouldn’t I be farther ahead?”. Amid all the imagery and questions in the poem, that line suddenly opens something deeply human and difficult to name.

Olly von's avatar

Thank you Antonio it is a feeling I don’t deal with often but it hard not to compare your success with others