Bird brain

the vines climb the ashley tree,

a creeper, named Virginia.

Regina stares straight

through me, eyes of green.

She is tall, hair cropped close and white like a halo.

I have to ask girls, who do you see looking back?

I put my eye to the binocular

but there’s not a bird in sight.

I have swallowed them all, their wings flutter inside of me.

wing beat, I ask, who am I?

in the innermost curves of my brain.

my mirror face doesn’t speak.

just pupils that shrink and expand.

I want to go deeper,

to the pitch black.

what scaled monstrosities

scrape, bellies on the sand in my darkest corners?

fish them out & examine

the science of my being.

I’m afraid I can’t swim

I’m afraid I can.

I have drowned before, in

a clear and burning flame.

stumbled upon truths I’d rather

have left below.

drooling poison, I ask, “am I Grimhilde or Snow, am I both? “

I toss an apple between my hands, hear the thud of it making contact

and i think..

It’s been two years now.

shouldn’t I be farther ahead?

instead I watch as your backs disappear in the distance.

dust chocked off your heels.

I’m not angry, I’m contemplating.

drowning again, this time in self doubt.

my eyes keep resting on the bottle

of pills, white as the halo.

relief and addiction two sides of the same hand.

the wood pecker cocks,

beak at the ready to knock.

between rounds, I ask

how do I know? if I can trust myself.

I am pulling feathers from between my teeth “does it hurt enough?”

the sharp apex drawing blood

from the gums.

is it bad enough that I will level

and not soar.